Be Vulnerable. Be Human.

The Importance of Vulnerability

My therapist recommended I watch Brene Brown's TED Talk The Power of Vulnerability. And so I did, and my God, did it change my mind-set on this sensitive and embarrassing subject of vulnerability. In the talk, she discusses shame and guilt associated with daring to be vulnerable. She says a very interesting thing: we can't choose which parts of ourselves we detach from. We can't choose to only feel the good, and not the bad. We're either dead inside and can't feel anything. Or we choose to experience our emotions as they come to us and release them through our pores.

What inspired me to live life in a vulnerable way

Honesty is my number one value. I feel so strongly about it that I cannot tolerate lies and I cannot trust people who have ever lied to me. So you can imagine that when wearing a mask and faking a smile that everything is okay, when inside, I just want to cry and scream - feels like I am a total fraud of a human; as I can't even keep to my own values.

I was just so tired of pretending all the time; it's exhausting, it makes me feel like I'm a liar, and it's simply too difficult to keep it together all the time. So now, with my new-found courage, I am able to tell my boss about my mental health difficulties and I can work from home if I need to. I know not all employers are that understanding, but I am very grateful that there are people who also appreciate the power of vulnerability.

Being vulnerable, to me, is simply feeling the emotions that you are feeling, without shame, guilt or attempts of suppression.

Stay human in a world full of robots

We are not walking, working, efficient and flawless machines. We make mistakes, we let things get on top of us, we get stressed, we cry, we argue with others, we get angry, we feel empty sometimes, confused or frustrated. We are complex creatures that need to embrace our ''bad'' parts, rather than suppress them - as that will actually cause more harm than good. I think that the human nature is beyond comprehension. We are not prey or predators, we aren't all-good or all-bad, we want to learn how to improve but we will make mistakes along the way, and that's okay.

Life is a journey - a rollercoaster of emotions, experiences, interactions and perspectives. Let's not be ashamed of the ugly feelings; jealousy, depression, anger, sadness, emptiness, frustration, aggression, confusion. And also the evil urges you may have; wishing someone dead, or wanting a couple to break-up. We were designed to be flawed. We were designed to learn. Put those two together and you've got a human life; full of mistakes and lessons, accomplishments and failures, moments of ecstasy, and moments of despair.

It's so easy to create a perfect persona on social media - we sometimes overshare in order to gain the approval of others. I dare you to share the not-so-amazing parts of your life, otherwise you might as well not share anything at all. Truth and authenticity is what people admire and respect. Take a look at your social media - is it really as glamorous, and happiness-filled as your own life? Probably not. And that's okay. We need to stop seeking the approval of others and seek the approval of the truth.

Drop the embarrassment - we are all equal

One definition of a perfect world may be for us not to experience any negative or difficult emotions. But the more realistic definition of a perfect world is a world in which vulnerability is embraced and we are able to tell and show others how we feel, so that we don't feel so alone and imperfect; so that our society is more accepting of the darker emotions. In a world like that, nobody would be ashamed of how depressed they feel, or how jealous a co-worker's promotion made them; we wouldn't be embarrassed to talk about how we didn't want to get out of bed due to our social anxiety being unmanageable that morning. Many would argue, that a world like that would be a world full of negative, constantly-complaining, weak humans who can't handle life. But I disagree. Only with encouragement, and support are we able to handle our problems and ease our emotions. In such as world, everyone would benefit...but, a girl can only dream.

Our lives are not perfect, let's not pretend they are.

I've noticed that as I open up, it gives the other person a sign ''oh, they are human too, they have issues and aren't afraid to talk about them...I will do the same''. And so they open up their hearts to you - and you begin to truly connect. It's a connection based on the ugly truth of our lives; how imperfect they really are. We need to be comfortable talking about the bad, just as comfortable we are to talk about the good. No matter your social status, or how many zeros your salary has, we are all equal and we should all embrace vulnerability.

Take care of yourself

Accepting vulnerability as a part of how we manage (or rather, express) our emotions, is a beautiful way of life, as you don't ignore your issues, but rather try to fix them, and if you can't fix them, accept them. When you are feeling low, sit with that feeling - don't try to distract yourself, pretend you're okay, or worse - hate yourself for it. Sit with the demon and befriend him; it becomes less scary when he visits you again; at the local park, during your lunch break at work, or in the middle of the night at a club.

Taking care of yourself doesn't mean jollying yourself along; and always ''thinking positively''. That only brings shame to our true feelings. Taking care means letting yourself have a cry, when you need to, screaming at the top of your lungs, if you dare.

I guess what I really want to say is that life is difficult, and admitting that, is the first step to living the life you've always wished for. No-one deserves to bottle things up - we all deserve to be heard. So pick up the phone when life is getting on top of you, and let your heart unfold its suffering.

Samaritans (UK)

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All photographs belong to Alex Stoddard - a truly beautiful surreal photographer.

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