9 Months in Therapy: What I've learned

I've been going to person-centered therapy since the beginning of December. Emotional healing is a process so I am still learning about myself, my perspectives, and understanding my own thoughts, emotions and behaviours. It has been an eye-opening process for me as it urged me to research more into mental health, well-being, social research, in the form of books, conferences, videos and articles. Therapy isn't a cure, nor is it a quick-fix, it takes years for trauma and abuse victims to heal and accept themselves as they are.

Here are the few things that I have taken away from therapy...

Black and white

Therapy taught me to challenge my black and white thinking (thinking of someone or something as all--good or all-evil). It has really helped me developed my relationship with myself as there are moments that I absolutely hate myself- the physical, emotional, the experiences, my personality, and then there are moments where I think I'm the greatest, most beautiful human on Earth, and I am so special and deserve to be treated like a princess. Both of those perceptions are skewed. In order to have a healthy relationship with oneself, we must tolerate ourselves just enough to find some ways to improve; be critical enough to admit your wrong-doings.

Sit with the demon

Befriend the one you fear the most. Befriend your worst enemy. Take the power away from them, and take back control. It's like fearing something inevitable. We all experience heartbreak, emotional turmoil, thoughts of your self-esteem being on the floor, trampled upon by strangers who don't give us enough likes on Instagram. Of course, life gets us down sometimes, or for some, most of the time, and of course we won't all feel the same level of extremity. But, there is a but. We must learn to reject seeing life through the comforting lies of a pink-tinted glass, a fairytale book where all good people get a happy ending and all evil people, like witches and villains, rot in hell. No. We are all villains and we are all heroes. Humans are deeper than that.

It's okay not to be okay

It is okay to feel down, shitty, worthless, ugly, disgusting, useless to society, a waste of air etc... It's okay not to be okay. It's okay not to be the perfect, happy, calm and collected, yet social and outgoing, super-organised, healthy and a role model sort of citizen. I'm telling you that it's okay to be you - whatever that means! You may be very organised, but may struggle to open up to people. You might be a great listener, but feel like no-one wants to listen to you. It's okay to feel like that. But, we must also acknowledge why we feel like that and then - either fix it, or accept it.

Have hope

We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.

Martin Luther King, Jr.

What keeps an insane person sane? The ability to have hope. Hope is a phenomenon which separates a survivor and someone who lives life already being dead on the inside. I have hope because I took the time to explore myself. I know that when the intense emotions come - they come in a wave, and sooner or later they go back to ''normal''. Your normal might be a lot darker or a lot lighter than my ''normal'' state of mind. We are all individuals with our own experiences, memories, behaviour patterns and dare I say triggers. Having hope to me, is the only thing keeping me alive when times get unbearable. It's difficult to find that hope, but my advice is to find a passion and stick to it. My latest passion is Ballroom Dance. I can be feeling the exhaustion of a restless night, or the mood of mourning my own soul, and yet, as I walk through the doors of the Dance Studio, and I see the people I care about, all my emotional baggage is stripped away.

I am stronger than I think I am

I rarely like to play the violin for myself - I don't like hearing how ''strong'' I am either. People that congratulate me on how brave I am for trying to live a fulfilling life after all I've been through - frankly is a bit patronizing. We all have has some form of hardship - whether we like to admit it or not. But resilience is a skill - I believe - everyone can claim that the whole world is turned against them. But, what good does that thought pattern bring? It brings feelings of victimhood, then weakness, worthlessness, and, in extreme cases, may lead to suicidal thoughts. Therapy has helped me gain an understanding into what my true nature is; I like routine, I like to feel in control, and I am an explorer - I want to explore people and experiences.

Embrace vulnerability

We don't get to decide which parts of ourselves we numb. We're either dead inside, or we live with our heart on our sleeve - feeling everything that can ever be felt. I am hugely fascinated with the idea of vulnerability. I strongly believe that it can benefit our society, as I've explained in ''Be Vulnerable. Be Human''. I would much rather feel the amazing, ecstatic, beautiful, breath-taking emotions, and the sickening, traumatic, disgusting emotions, than live life never feeling anything; just passively watching the clock ticking, wasting my life away.

Life is messy, love it!

Life is very, very hard for us sometimes. We can't even digest the small things. And sometimes we wonder what is the point of all this? Why are we on this planet? What happens after death? Do we live in a simulation? Is the Illuminati going to take over the world?

*Brain is overwhelmed: activate existential crisis*.

We can easily get obsessed with the idea of finding purpose in our lives. For most healthy minds, those questions visit their minds passively. For some of us, we can get so overwhelmed with life that it becomes difficult to carry on. What we need to realise is that life is very messy - but if you ask anyone, they'll probably lie to you and say that everything is going great for them... In our society, we need to conform to the idea that we are happy and problem-free. Moreover, problems should be avoided, or not exist at all! That is not the truth, however. Life as we know it, has its peaks and troughs. We need to accept and survive through the troubled times, in order to truly appreciate the happy times.

Samaritans (UK)

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All photographs belong to Laura Zalega, a stunning surreal photographer.

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